Butterflies part 50
by Kksaunt1
Summary: Will Elizabeth soften to the idea of being pregnant again?


Jack walked in the room to find Elizabeth and Emmy asleep under the blankets. He kissed Elizabeth's forehead and went to get dressed. Then he heard a knock on the front door and then his Mom's voice.

"Morning Caleb!"

"Yay, Grandma!"

He walked into the living room and smiled at his Mom. "Morning Ma. I'm glad you're here. Can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Yes, Son. Of course. I'll be right back, Caleb." She put him down and walked with Jack into the kitchen.

"Do you want some coffee, Ma?"

"Sure, and then you'll tell me what's on your mind?:

"Yes." He handed her a cup and poured the coffee. "So, I was wondering if you would be willing to help out Elizabeth next week for me?"

"Going out of town again?"

"No, just during the day while I'm at work, for the next few weeks actually. Just until the morning sickness is past." He looked at her with a huge smile, waiting for her reaction.

"Morning sickness? She's pregnant?" He nodded.

"About seven weeks."

She hugged him tightly. "Congratulations, Jack! I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, Ma. Me too. Can you do me another favor?"

"Anything."

"I was going to come see you later anyway, but can you ask Bill to do rounds for me for this week?"

"Oh, I would love to, Son, but he's out of town until next week."

"Oh, ok."

"Listen, I'm going to go get some clothes and things and camp out in your guestroom until Elizabeth is feeling better. You can go do rounds after I get back. Don't worry about anything."

"Ok, thanks Ma. I appreciate that."

"Anything else wrong?"

"No, no problem. Um, don't tell Caleb for awhile. Just for a few more weeks."

"Ok. I'm going to go then, and I'll be back." He nodded as she left the room.

He went to check on Maddie and Caleb. "Daddy?" Maddie walked up to him.

"Hey Bug." He bent down and kissed her cheek.

"Daddy, go."

"I'm not leaving until Grandma comes back."

"No, go!" She pointed to the other room.

Caleb looked up. "Daddy, she means she has to go to the potty."

"Oh! Ok. Sorry Bug." He walked her in to the bathroom and helped her and chuckled to himself. He had some things to learn about his children.

Awhile later, Elizabeth woke up. She looked next to her and Emmy was just waking up too.

"Mama," she said with a smile.

"Hi, Baby girl."

She sat up slowly to make sure she wouldn't have to make a run for the bathroom again, but she felt ok. The toast seemed to have helped. So she got out of bed and changed Emmy and went to look for Jack.

She found him in the living room playing with Maddie and Caleb.

"Hey, Sweetheart, how are you?" Jack asked.

"Ok. I think I'm going to make myself and Emmy a snack."

"I can do it, Elizabeth."

"No, that's ok. You stay here." She smiled and took Emmy into the kitchen to eat.

"Hey," Jack said as he walked in the kitchen. "I told Mom about the baby. She came over and I asked if she could help out for awhile. She went home to get her things." She nodded.

"Jack," she said as she walked up to him.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. I guess, can you just hold me for a minute?" He held her close, just rubbing her back and making her feel wanted. Normally, that's all she needed. His arms around her usually fixed so much, but this time she wasn't sure it would. "I'm sorry, Honey."

"For what?"

"The way I've been feeling this past week. I do want our baby. I'm just scared."

"Why are you scared?" He walked over to a chair and sat down, pulling her to his lap. She shook her head and tears started falling. "Elizabeth," he whispered. "Tell me."

"So many things."

"Sweetie, tell me." He kissed her gently.

"Mama!" Emmy was sitting in her chair, watching and waiting for her snack. Elizabeth shook her head and stood up to get Emmy her food. Then she drank a glass of water, staring out the window above the sink.

"I'm afraid, Jack. Afraid of not being able to handle four children. Of being too sick to take care of them. Of you leaving or of losing you because I can't do this alone. I need your help. Do you remember how hard it was after I had Emmy? I almost lost it and that scared me too. What if it happens again?"

She shook her head again, tears streaming and her body shaking. She walked out of the room. Charlotte walked in the door just in time to see Elizabeth crying and leaving the kitchen.

"Elizabeth?" She looked up but kept walking to the bedroom.

"Gamma? Up pease," Maddie said, reaching for Charlotte. Charlotte picked her up and kissed her cheek.

"Hi, Maddie. Are you being good?"

"Yes, pay bocks." She pointed at Caleb.

"What are you building Caleb?"

"I don't know. I think a school, like the one Daddy made Mama."

"Oh, that's a good idea, Sweetie. Can I help?"

"Sure Grandma." Charlotte sat on the floor helping Maddie and Caleb build the school. Jack came over and handed Emma to her.

"I'm sorry. Can you watch her too? Just for a few minutes. I need to be with Elizabeth right now."

"Of course. Go, she needs you."

Jack opened the bedroom door quietly, not wanting to disturb Elizabeth. She was laying in bed, under the covers, facing away from the door. He could hear her sniffling and, every so often, take a shuddering breath. He climbed under the covers and slid close to her, wrapping his arms around her. He felt her sink into his chest, and pull his arms closer. After a few moments, she stopped crying and turned to look at him. "You should go to work."

"I'm not leaving you now."

"You need to work."

"I need to take care of you first. You are my priority right now."

"I'm fine."

"What you told me in the kitchen…"

"I wasn't being rational Jack. My emotions got the best of me."

"Please don't dismiss your feelings. I want to know what you're feeling." He put his hand on her now flat tummy. "This baby in there, shows everyone how much we love each other. It is a perfect little mixture of you and me. It belongs to us, and I know, with all of my heart, that you will love and care for it as wonderfully as you do our other children. They are extremely lucky to have you and I can't express to you how much you mean to me." He paused because he was starting to tear up. After a moment he continued. "I don't ever want you to doubt yourself. You can do anything, and carrying and nurturing and loving our babies is something I know you can do. You've proven that."

She reached for him, taking his face in her hands, kissing his cheeks and then finding his lips for a few moments. "Stay with me," she whispered, kissing him again.

"I'm here."

"Promise?" She mumbled against his lips, her arms slipping around his neck.

"I'm here," he said again, getting lost in her kisses. He couldn't promise and both of them knew that anything could happen. Past experience had proven that. But right then, in the moment, they both knew he wasn't going anywhere.

An hour later or so, Jack left Elizabeth, asleep and peaceful. He needed to do rounds, knowing the children were in good hands with his mom and Elizabeth in the house.

"How's Elizabeth?"

"She'll be ok. She's sleeping now." He looked around and noticed the quiet. "Where are the kids?"

"Sleeping too. I put Emmy in with Maddie, by the way."

"Ok. Thank you, Mom." Charlotte looked at her son. She could see his worry. She had always admired the way he could express himself, with just a look, but now, she wished he was happy. She stood up and hugged him.

"Jack, how are you?" He sighed and hugged her tighter. "You're worried?" He nodded. "Listen to me for a moment, ok?" She pulled him to the couch and sat down. "Deep down, she wants this baby as much as you do."

"Wait, how do you know….?"

"She told me a few months back that she wasn't ready and that she doubted herself. Let me tell you though, I know her. She loves being a mother and she loves being your wife. Her emotions are getting in the way of that. Give her time."

"I love her so much. This is so hard, to see her unhappy and scared."

"Just be here when you can and she will get there. I know she will."

He nodded and kissed her cheek. "Thank you." He got up and started to put his boots on. "I'm going to work. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Hi, Mom," Elizabeth said a few moments later as she walked in the room.

"Hi, Sweetheart. Here, come sit by me." She walked over and sat next to Charlotte, resting her head on her shoulder. "How are you?"

"I'm ok," she said quietly.

"That's good."

"Did Jack go to work?"

"Yes, he should be back soon." Elizabeth nodded, grateful for her Mother-in-law's shoulder.

"Mom?"

"I know, Sweetie. You will in time. Give yourself time."

"How did you know what I was going to say?"

"Because I know you and I know what you're struggling with. I've been there."

"What do you mean?"

"My situation was a little different. After I had Jack, I got pregnant. About six months after."

"Wait, before Tom?"

"Yes. I figured it out when my husband was out of town. I was busy with a six month old, struggling to keep food on the table while Tom was gone. The last thing I wanted was another baby right then. I was so overwhelmed and worried and alone. I didn't have anyone to help me. About a month after finding out I was pregnant, I lost the baby."

"Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry, Mom. That's heartbreaking. I can't imagine how hard that must have been."

"Tom was gone and I was so young and I was alone with Jack and now I was grieving. I didn't understand why, because I didn't think that I had wanted that baby. Deep down, I realized, I was it's mother. It was my child and my husbands child and now it was gone." She started crying silently. Elizabeth took her hand and held it, wiping her own tears as she cried for Charlotte's loss, and truth be told, for her own situation.

"I wonder why Jack never told me this story?" she asked several minutes later.

"He doesn't know. He was very young and it wasn't necessary to tell him later on."

Elizabeth nodded and sat quietly. She realized after hearing Charlotte's story, she should be grateful and not take life for granted. She was healthy, she had three healthy, beautiful children and for now, her husband was home and able to help her. This may be difficult at times, but she was very lucky.

"Thank you, Mom."

"For what?"

"For everything. I'm so grateful I have you in my life and in my children's life." Emmy started crying in Maddie's room.

"I'll get her, Elizabeth."

"Thanks, Mom."

Charlotte came out with Emmy and Maddie and then Caleb joined them.

"Hi, Mama!" Caleb said. "I missed you today!"

"Hi, Sweetie. I missed you too. Come sit by me while I feed your sister." He climbed up next to her and leaned on her shoulder.

"I love you, Mama."

"I love you too." She smiled easily at her son. She thought about the coming baby, wondering if it was a boy, the image of Jack. Emmy looked a lot like him with his lips and nose and dimples and lighter brown hair, but a boy would be wonderful. Caleb would sure be excited.

"Hey everyone," Jack said as he walked in the door, later that afternoon. He was glad to see his wife up and around.

"Hey Hon, home early?" She smiled at him as he walked in and picked up Caleb so he could sit next to her.

"I finished my rounds. I do need to talk to you in a bit though." She nodded.

"Mom? Can you take Caleb and Maddie and feed them lunch, please?"

"Sure, Elizabeth. Come on Sweet peas! Are you hungry?"

"Yes!" they said in unison as they followed Charlotte into the kitchen.

Jack stood up, offering his hand to Elizabeth. "Let's talk on the porch, ok?" Emmy was done nursing so she buttoned her shirt and as they walked through the kitchen to the back porch, Elizabeth put Emmy in her high chair.

Jack was nervous. He knew what he was about to tell Elizabeth would get an angry reaction from her, considering how her emotions had been the last few days. They sat on the swing and enjoyed the warm sunshine.

"Jack? What is it? Are you leaving?"

"Quite the opposite actually."

"What do you mean?"

"I put in for a leave of absence. As soon as my replacement arrives in town, it will be official."

"What? Why would you do that without talking to me first?"

"I need to be home with you and the kids. This way, I'll be here and I won't be forced to leave you when you need me the most."

"What are we supposed to do for money? How do we buy the things we need?"

"We will be fine."

"Without money? No we won't. I can't believe you made that huge of a decision without at least speaking to me about it."

"Elizabeth…"

"Jack, I'm going for a walk."

"Elizabeth, we need to talk about this."

"Now we need to talk? It's a little late don't you think?" She sighed and walked around the side of the house to be alone.

Jack sat on the swing, trying to decide if she would want him to leave her alone or go after her. He decided to give her time. "Daddy? Where's Mama?" Caleb asked from the doorway.

"She went for a walk. She'll be back soon."

"Ok, will you read to us?"

"Of course I will. Did you pick out a book?"

"Yes, let's go!"

"Let's read out here buddy. It's warm out."

For the next hour, Jack and Maddie and Emmy and Charlotte read on the swing, waiting for Elizabeth to return.

She was still in town, however. She had gone to see Abigail and stayed for tea. Abigail sensed Elizabeth's mood and decided she would talk if she needed to. All throughout the tea, Abigail listened and waited and eventually Elizabeth opened up.

"He made the decision without me, Abigail. I thought we were past things like this."

"Elizabeth, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"When you decided to stop teaching, after Maddie, did you ask Jack if you should?"

"No, I decided that because I felt like I was neglecting him and Maddie, that I needed to stop."

"You decided?"

"I see where you're headed, but that's different."

"How? Isn't he taking leave because he didn't want to neglect you or be away from you when you need him?"

Elizabeth sat and stared at her cup, now empty. "You're right. I did the same exact thing to him. He didn't get mad. He supported me. Oh my goodness. Thank you Abigail. I'll be by to see you soon, ok?"

"Ok, sounds good." She smiled as her friend walked away. She rubbed her belly as she felt the baby moving, kicking her in the ribs. "You're Auntie Elizabeth is a silly girl, little one. I can't wait for you to meet her."

Elizabeth walked home and back in the house. She heard voices out on the porch. Everyone was out enjoying the nice weather. She peeked around the corner of the door to see what was going on. Jack had all three kids with him on the swing. He was in the middle, with Emmy on his lap and Maddie on one side and Caleb on the other. He was telling them a story and they were laughing. It was music to her ears and it made her feel so much better.

"Hey, Mama."

"Hi, Caleb. Are you having fun with Daddy?"

"Yes! He read us books, Mama."

"That sounds great sweetie." Jack looked up and smiled at Elizabeth, trying to see how she was feeling.

"Hi, can we talk later?"

"Yeah. Of course," she agreed.

Later, Elizabeth was doing dishes from supper, the kids were in bed and Charlotte had gone home for the night, promising to return first thing in the morning. Jack came in the kitchen and sat down at the table, watching his headstrong, amazing, very capable wife finish her chore. He had sat down silently so she wasn't aware he was watching. Every so often she would yawn or smile. He noticed she was barefoot. She only went barefoot when it was warm outside and she wanted to stay cool. He loved her feet, peeking out from under her skirt and even though he protested, he loved when she put her ice cold toes on his warm legs at night. It gave him an excuse to hold her closer, under the guise of keeping her warm.

"Oh! Jack, I didn't know you were in here."

"Yeah. I've been here awhile."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was enjoying watching you." He looked at her, serious, but loving. "Are we ok?"

"Of course we are." She walked over at sat down next to him. "I'm sorry that I overreacted."

"I did it for you, you know."

"I know and that is the sweetest thing you have ever done for me." She kissed his hand and held it in both of hers. "Thank you so much."

He pulled her on to his lap, leaning his forehead against hers. "I love you. I didn't want you to feel like you were alone or scared. I want to be here, for all of it."

"What are we going to do, about the money?"

"Well, because of my position, even though I'm on leave, I get half pay. So we will have some money that way and we can use some of our savings. I calculated it, Elizabeth, and even if I stay on leave until a couple weeks after the baby arrives, if we spend only what we normally do now, we will still have three quarters of the money your Dad gave us. We will be just fine."

"You really thought about this."

"Of course I did. I would never make that big of a decision without thinking it through, especially when it involves taking care of my family. You mean everything to me." He put his hand on her tummy and smiled. "That includes you, little one. Daddy loves you."


End file.
